| tis the season
for fireproof evergreens
covered in pine scented
aerosol snow
hip-hop carols
performed by prepackaged teen divas
backed by one-man synthesizer orchestras
drunken stana clauses
for every gas station
and the latest in nativity scene technology:
"Hear the baby Jesus cry!"
do genuine kisses exist
in a world of plastic mistletoe?
merry xmas '06
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| "how are you"
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"are you feeling better?" those were the phrases i heard a million times this weekend.
familia asked me that so many times. of course i'm glad that they care about my wellbeing.
but a million times and i'm sure you'll get tired of it too. thanksgiving was still good. still ate much. even though i collapsed afterwards. i cried last night. like a little girl, i cried on my mom's shoulder. it was so necessary though. and it felt so good. i love vin diesel. i want to bang big pun . how was YOUR thanksgiving? im sure it was better than mine, healthwise at least hopefully. |
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| random.
i got offered my first cigarette on saturday. you be the judge of if i said yes or no.
life with my twin is magic. we've been seeing so much of eachother that it's getting strange, but i love it... and i just love us. nothing seriously compares. i'm so honest when i say that. who else can do the things that we do together && have so much fun together? mmm... none compares. columbia & pizza & rain<3
i'm going to have a breakdown with this photography home assignment. i suddenly feel like i don't know how to take pictures && that everything i'm doing is crap. i don't know how to pull this off.
if i get a failing grade on my english paper i will huddle up into a ball for a week and no one will hear from me again. i will hate my life.
one more day til jr/sr conference in NYC. [what a retreat, eh?] excited? MUCH. i adore k.ho. it shall be such fun.
not looking forward to loading film on saturday. but steph must be there so we must do it together and i will survive in the dark. ... hopefully.
Pitbull is my lover. his voice resonates in my ears. haha. voodoo + jungle fever+raindrops<3el mariel.
leave something.
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| my will is weak, my strength is frail,
and all my hope is nearly gone;
i can but trust Thy working true
to gently hold and lead me on.
i've tried my best, but still have failed,
e'en as before i've failed and erred...
whene'er my heart is lifted up,
how very near i am to fall;
i dare not do, i dare not think,
i need Thyself in great or small.
i haven't written in here about all summer+more. i most certainly do miss it.
there's been so much on my mind. things i should've said, things i need to say, and things i wish never came out of my mouth. the past is in the past and today, i have today.
this junior year is turning out to be everything everyone says about junior year. it's stressful, exciting, busy, full of pressure, new experiences, maturing, fears, doubts, and has its rewarding moments. for the most part i see how much i haven't changed. in some ways i feel like i'm so grown up and matured in a lot of different ways that i surprise myself and see myself heading into the future and what i'll be like. but when i look a little deeper, i see that there are so many remaining scars & faults that will remain unless i pay them enough attention and work at fixing them. it's scary to think about myself in my twenties and still dealing with the same things. i only think that i'll still have them with me because they've been here since i can remember. i'm sixteen now. if things dont change soon then i will be like this for... my whole life? i don't know. too much to think about.
for now, to stay positive -- without insecurities, fears, depression -- i'll think about:
- FIT photography which is UUUUBERRR fun =P specially with the pretty cool peeps in the class. developed pix for the first time -- "steph, i'm glowing! is that naughty?" LMAO. -- and printed my contact sheet and a picture. came out craptastic though. whateverrrs. its fun. going to school and stuff. even though its not real school 5 days a week. its nice to get out && chill with a different group of peeps on saturdays.
- my crew. summer with them was amazing. all of my friends. all the good times. the beaching, the picnics, the eating, the inside jokes, the games, the pictures, the movies. it was LIFE. period. if i dont have them to be a freak with, then what am i going to do with myself? life with them is amazing. lols. being together always makes things in life seem so much better and easier.
- winter break =] i cant wait to chiLLax without work. i haven't had a technical day off from school since it's started. i think there shall be some good times. maybe CC will actually get to hang out again?
- reuniting with my halima at thanksgiving.&& dianita.
- jr/sr conference in november. people better come. lols. i've been looking forward to this for years.
that's about it. nothing else really to live for; except Christ of course.
kay, i dont know if anyone will read this. if anyone will care. if anyone will comment. but it's out there. regardless of what i may say.. life is pretty keen. figuring out where i wanna go to college.
PASADENA, CA HERE I COME.<3
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| grades for the semester:
geometry -- A-
chemistry -- B+
english lit --A+
bad? im quite pleased. sad about the geometry & chemistry. know i could've done betters but whatever. it's no F right.
pieces. maryland, here i come.
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